A friend forwarded this to me last night, and its one of the few chain emails that I thought were worth reading and forwarding.

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A group of rapists and date rapists in prison were interviewed on what they look for in a potential victim and here are some interesting facts:

The first thing men look for in a potential victim is hairstyle. They are most likely to go after a woman with a ponytail, bun, braid or other hairstyle that can easily be grabbed. They are also likely to go after a woman with long hair. Women with short hair are not common targets.

The second thing men look for is clothing. They will look for women who's clothing is easy to remove quickly. Many of them carry scissors around to cut clothing.

They also look for women on their cell phone, searching through their purse or doing other activities while walking because they are off guard and can be easily overpowered.


The time of day men are most likely to attack and rape a woman is in the early morning, between 5 and 8:30 a.m.


The number one place women are abducted from/attacked at is grocery store parking lots. Number two is office parking lots/garages. Number three is public restrooms.

The thing about these men is that they are looking to grab a woman and quickly move her to a second location where they don't have to worry about getting caught.

Only 2% said they carried weapons because rape carries a 3-5 year sentence but rape with a weapon is 15-20 years.

If you put up any kind of a fight at all, they get discouraged because it only takes a minute or two for them to realize that going after you isn't worth it because it will be time-consuming.


These men said they would not pick on women who have umbrellas, or other similar objects that can be used from a distance, in their hands. Keys are not a deterrent because you have to get really close to the attacker to
use them as a weapon. So, the idea is to convince these guys you're not worth it.

Several defense mechanisms he taught us are: If someone is following behind you on a street or in a garage or with you in an elevator or stairwell, look them in the face and ask them a question, like what time is it, or make general small talk, I can't believe it is so cold out here, we're in for a bad winter. Now you've seen their face and could identify them in a line-up, you lose appeal as a target.

If someone is coming toward you, hold out your hands in front of you and yell Stop or Stay back! Most of the rapists this man talked to said they'd leave a woman alone if she yelled or showed that she would not be afraid to
fight back. Again, they are looking for an EASY target.

If you carry pepper spray (this instructor was a huge advocate of it and carries it with him wherever he goes,) yelling I HAVE PEPPER SPRAY and holding it out will be a deterrent.

If someone grabs you, you can't beat them with strength but you can by outsmarting them. If you are grabbed around the waist from behind, pinch the attacker either under the arm between the elbow and armpit or in the upper inner thigh - HARD. One woman in a class this guy taught told him she used the underarm pinch on a guy who was trying to date rape her and was so upset she broke through the skin and tore out muscle strands - the guy needed stitches. Try pinching yourself in those places as hard as you can stand
it; it hurts.

After the initial hit, always go for the groin. I know from a particularly unfortunate experience that if you slap a guy's parts it is extremely painful. You might think that you'll anger the guy and make him want to hurt
you more, but the thing these rapists told our instructor is that they want a woman who will not cause a lot of trouble. Start causing trouble, and he's out of there.

When the guy puts his hands up to you, grab his first two fingers and bend them back as far as possible with as much pressure pushing down on them as possible. The instructor did it to me without using much pressure, and I ended up on my knees and both knuckles cracked audibly.

Off course the things we always hear still apply. Always be aware of your surroundings, take someone with you if you can and if you see any odd behavior, don't dismiss it, go with your instincts. You may feel a little silly at the time, but you'd feel much worse if the guy really was
trouble.

sometimes I truly believe that the stars are out of wack. Some days nothing really seems to work at all. Today was a really really hot day and as if that wasn't enough, The 2 train and the 5 trains were suspended. I was stuck in the Bronx, in a strange place, looking for a bus and trying to make it to see Gabrielle on time. I ended up being two hours late, even though I'd planned to be thirty minutes early, Extremely hot and hungry having had no breakfast.

The only really good thing about today was meeting gabrielle for two hours:)

My brothers called from DC it turns out their luggage is not really theirs, and I'm really worried that their luggage might be destroyed by now, and sorry for the poor guy whose luggage they have!! Then to make things worst, their new tire burst on the highway and they almost crashed, it makes my stomach hurt just thinking about it.

As my mom loves to say, you can never really enjoy the good times unless you've been through the bad.

Despite everything, I'm thankful, thankful that the boys are alive and well, and thankful that I got to meet Gabrielle, and Young, Jonah & Lis and co and Ben and that I'm meeting Cecily and Erin tomorrow.

I'm thankful to the stars for not always being out of wack and thankful that every now and then a shooting star comes and my wishes come true.

Yesterday was a busy day, we spent the whole afternoon, and the whole ride in the train argui -- I mean discussing which computer we should get. The PowerBook G4 with its oh so sleek design, or the latest sony vaio. Beauty and elegance or performance.
More later

We're in the airplane, and I just know its going to crash - I can hear the engine making funny noises, every cloud we enter feels like its going to break the plane apart, the steward anounces that because of turbulence dinner would be delayed. What was I thinking at that time? Everyone was calm - so I figured it had to be in my head. I must have imagined it - or did I?

Did I have any regrets if the plane did crash? was there something that I needed to say to someone that I hadn't said yet? Sadly none of that was in my mind, I was just imagining over and over again what it would feel like to be blown into the air at that altitude, or if the plane caught fire, all sorts of horrid things - I realised I was being morbid so I managed to snap out of it - but it did make the rest of the flight uncomfortable.

I listened to classic music and tried to eat the horrid food. Even the salad was inedible! ick.

its 9am we're at the airport, the customs guy is sooo mean he tells me I haven't filled something out I can't figure out what it is, he won't show me, he sends me back to the line - I find a different customs guy, we chit chat I go get my luggage

its 1 pm I'm soooo exhausted I fall asleep somewhere falling in and out of concsiousness. The heat - I need water.

Its 4pm I'm at the park with Sura, she's doing some soccer drills, the heat is killing me. I watch as a squirrel walks in slow motion looking for food. He walks up a tree and disappears. The heat is unbearable, I feel dizzy. All around me kids are playing on the swings, slides, monkey bars or just running around. I head for the swings. I close my eyes as I swing. Up and down I go, one minute I'm in the shade, the next its light. I open my eyes and the world is blue. I imagine myself in a desert seeking nothing but water.

Sura shows up with a bottle of cold water - is she a mirage? No. Good. I stay on the swing, slugging down water. I see a girl, I smile at her. I hear a girl asking her dad a gazillion questions, she asks him why I'm playing, her dad asks me why I'm playing, I tell her cos its fun, he tells her cos its fun. She calls him grandpa - he's not her father.

I'm going to throw up - is it jetlag? Heatstroke? Or drastic weather change? I don't. I drink more water, feel faint. The other girl comes and starts talking to me. She wants to be a singer, do I want to hear? - sure why not, she sings, we talk. She's in 5th grade, loves english, hates math. Does Karate. Her best friend is kind of dating this guy, but its hard cos they're the same age. I feel dizzy, I'm going to faint. She's still talking. Has she ever joined Girl's Scout? She doesn't need to - her mom is a teacher. She wants adventure. She asks if there is war in India. Yes and No. She wants to go somewhere where she can get shot. I'm shocked. Hmm, she doesnt want to get shot but wants shooting around her. Her friends live in those kinds of neighbourhoods. I suggest she visit Paris for an adventure, visit the art galleries, order hot chocolate in French. She's from the west indies. There's her grandmother. She's going to go play tag. Her name is C- Chase - no her friends call her that, her name is C-----
I leave the swings I see a police car drive by. I lie on a bench in and out of sleep. I hear voices. Some loud. Some soft.

I'm doing soccer drills, the haze is lifting, I'm playing a game, I'm having fun. I feel the wind in the air. The sun isn't so hot. I get ice cream.

Gaby called, I talked to Cecily. I checked my mail. I feel alright again. The world doesn't seem so surreal anymore. Was I homesick? Am I adjusting? I don't know. I miss Salsabila, I wish I could bring her with me. I wish...

I shall miss:

Isma'il peeking in our rooms in the morning to make sure we're still there.

Ismai'l squashing us as he tries to find room on the bed

Breakfast in bed when someone is sick

Making a salad for lunch

Looking out the nursery window

The ever so slightly tinted windows

The house - every nook and cranny

Gazing at the hypnotic pool

The feeling of directing my first movie

Nigerian food

Taking pictures

Swimming lessons

Horse riding - Naranjo

New friends

Teaching Musli & Ummu how to email & chat

Seeing salsabila play music on the computer

Our karate fights

The music nights in the cinema

Running till we're dizzy and trying not to get caught

Isma'ils funny voice

Spanish subtitles on tv

Salsabilah's hugs

Isma'il's kisses

Ummu's shy laughter

Habiba's infectious laughter

Abu's eagerness to learn

Mom's little everything

Dads movements with his hands that remind me of how alike we both are.

Salim's friends

Learning the wedding march

Salsabilah playing papa hayden on the piano

Ismai'l singing along with the piano

Dreams - sweet and peaceful

The cars

More than anything, I shall miss the feeling of being home, because home is where my heart will always be.

the chat went well today after a very rough start!! It seemed that everyone was hungry!! I tried to whip something up really quickly and that didn't work at all!! ick - it actually stole my appetite from me. lol, nearly everyone made it, unfortunately Tannie, felipe, Ana and Ian didn't make it, but we got surprise visits from Ben and Pooja!!

i ended up warming up some nigerian food then spilling it on a creamy white carpet!! Quelle horreur!! ended up eating fried chicken.

the chat was great - lasted about four hours - we should plan another one when school resumes:)

right now I have to deal with the fact that I'm home alone!! Perhaps I should turn all the television sets on ala Kevin Macalister??!! Or maybe I should take a nap - some ice cream sounds good right about now !! ah the possibilities - hahaha that sounded like the fisher price slogan! lol.

One more thing, Happy Birthday Mitu!!!